We Are ALL Wounded
Yesterday in my FB group I triggered several people when I talked about the wounded masculine.
And while it wasn't intentional...
And while there is A LOT in the news about male predators, especially with high ranks...
I think it still needs to be addressed.
I see so many women who glorify the wounded feminine.
AND I DO NOT DISCREDIT OR DISPUTE THE WOUNDED FEMININE...
I've had my share of traumatic experiences with being abused by men...
The last major episode led to me being a mother.
So I get it.
I understand and I KNOW how it is to be in that space.
For 2 years I felt incredible uncomfortable around men.
Shit, I was even uncomfortable with my SELF.
Washing myself as quickly as possible in the shower because I couldn't stand to be touched "down there".
I was angry, ashamed, sad, fucking pissed, afraid, lonely, confused...
All the things.
I compared myself to others who had partners, rings on their fingers and spouses...
Others to support them.
Saying to myself "It must be easy they've got a loving husband" when I had no fucking clue about the person I walked past in the grocery store...
No doubt with her husbands credit card so she could buy groceries without a worry on whether she'd have to leave her groceries behind...
But what a bullshit story I was telling myself.
And I finally got tired of it.
So when I stopped glorifying MY story...
When I stopped CHOOSING to keep myself in a victim role...
When I started trying to find compassion for the male that raped me...
I started to change my reality.
I started to recognize how fucked he is in this lifetime and the next several UNLESS he owns his shit.
And that 👆👆👆 is fucking hard.
Who wants to admit they raped someone... and got her pregnant while doing so?
Let's entertain for a second what causes a person to become an abuser...
Or perhaps less triggering...
How does a bully become a bully?
Typically from being abused in one way or another.
And out of fear and a deep desire for attention which is likely misconstrued as love...
They act out.
In the way they were taught.
Now think of a little boy or girl who is subjected to such abuse.. they may grow up thinking it's okay to do this to others...
Because on some level this was done to them so it must be okay to do it to others.
Now, this isn't every abusers story but I'm guessing it's safe to say it is the story for a very high percentage of them.
And that... is fucking sad.
Think of all those little boys who've been abused in some way.
Do you have kids? It's a gut wrenching thing to think about.
Now... let's think of all those little girls who have ALSO been abused.
Think about yourself.
One of my earliest memories is when I'm right around my sons age going to see my (male) pediatrician.
I remember the walk up the stairs and the pathway that led to the office.
I remember holding my moms hand.
I remember laying on my back when he finishes the exam and says "we're all done but first...."
As he then proceeds unbutton my shorts, pull them down, and tickle my vagina.
I wasn't even 3.
I remember feeling so uncomfortable and looking up at my mom who had a stern look and looked straight forward.
Not saying a thing.
And then my memory goes blank.
I've spoken about this to my mom in the last year.
She has no recollection of it.
She may have yelled, stopped it... neither of us remember.
But as I describe the steps, the walkway, the doctor...
She recalls the accuracy.
But this particular moment she herself has blocked out.
And that's okay.
We each have our journey, as well as this pediatrician.
How many trusted persons have their story of abuse of power, situation, etc.
In short.... (or long as this post is)
WE ARE ALL WOUNDED.
We ALL have wounds.
And while I am SO GRATEFUL for the civil rights and women's rights movements...
For the feminists...
For the #METOO movement..
I feel that a lot of it has led to an almost egoic state of victimhood.
Yes, we have been victims.
But we don't have to stay that way.
It is okay to speak up, to establish boundaries and say what's not okay or not accepted (it's NECESSARY)...
**Side note and FTR... IT IS NECESSARY FOR ABUSERS TO HAVE CONSEQUENCES (but this post isn't about that. I want to make sure we are clear on this and where my stance is. This post isn't about the "abuser"... it's about the collective masculine and those who embody it that want to heal but don't know how)**
It's also necessary to hold the space for the masculine, for the WILLING masculine.
And not just the predators...
For as much shame as we endure and the pressure we experience by coming out about our experiences and abuse...
For having to carve out the space to be able to talk about it...
To nurture and to heal...
Men have far less space to share their experiences.
To be abused is to be "weak".
To share emotion is considered effeminate and for the most part if you're a straight man in today's societal norm...
You get ridiculed AF...
AND/OR abused AF for sharing emotion or talking about abuse.
Not only abuse that's been done BY them... but TO them.
History repeats itself until it's healed.
A part of my mission is to help others heal so they can release the past (from this lifetime and wounds inherited from ancestral wounds or past lives) so they can DECIDE what stories they carry forth and have far greater opportunity to create the future they want for themselves.
We've all been male and female in past lives.
We all have victim and perpetrator energy.
More and more women AND men are waking up to do the work...
But it won't be done if there isn't the space for it.
While men like Bill Cosby in this lifetime may not do the healing...
It's an opportunity for others to rise up and do the work necessary...
It's an opportunity for us to weep for the little girls and boys, to heal and to rewrite our stories.
The more space we allow, the more healing and positive creation is achieved.
So I implore you to simply think about this a little bit.
This is a triggering post for many but a topic that has been on my heart for MONTHS.
And as a victim of multiple sexual assaults...
I choose to NOT stay in victim mentality...
I choose to NOT glorify all that has been done unto me...
I choose to share my message and speak my voice with as much love as I can muster even through the veil of shame, embarrassment and anger.
I choose to learn, to grow, to expand and to use it to propel me forward to fulfill my mission...
And I choose to lean into love.
Through LOVE we allow for healing.
It's not easy.
But it's so necessary.
And while I am far from perfection (perfectly imperfect) I constantly allow for honest self reflection and growth.
(To the point where it's downright fucking exhausting)
But it is so worth it.
And the more I hold the space for men to heal...
The more awakened, aware, emotionally available, willing to heal men I meet.
Funny how that works, isn't it?
Life is literally seen through the filter you give it.
So let's give it a filter of love, of nurturing safe space, and of the opportunity for healing, growth and the betterment of all humanity (and earthly beings as a result).